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Archive for October, 2012

Television: The Great Educator

In my few years on this planet, I’ve noticed a few things. There was a show where a guy, who had a very similar name to a famous zombie movie make-up guru, went around to find every day people on the streets to ask them random questions about history and what-not. It was funny watching as college grad adults answered questions in the way you would expect a 3rd grader to. Such as WWII having occurred around the 1960’s or watching as they tried to pronounce the word on the card that said “Albuquerque.” Hilarious.

But now we find the onslaught of reality television has hammered us on a daily basis to celebrate and emulate these lack-witted, falsely entitled, mentally deficient chuds the world over. Yes, sometimes watching people be dumbasses can be entertaining… why do some people strive to be like them? Is it the need to feel important? Do some people simply live to catch the limelight no matter what the cost or time frame? Could it be because people want to make money while serving as little use to the world as physically and mentally possible? Does anyone really care about whether or not two mental invalids hook up over a night of heavy drinking and lack of thought over a little thing called consequences? Apparently some people do… kind of sad when you put it that way.

Those who know me will say things like, “Hey… Weren’t you obsessed with The Colony?” or “Aren’t you currently getting caught up with Mythbusters?” My answer to you is, “That’s not my point, smartass!” Those shows actually teach people things like the magical worlds of science and history. If you can teach me how the world works, how to survive, or how people used to do things and why it worked… I say tell me more, we all need to know more and should celebrate the technological, sociological, and anthropological way of things. We should advance educationally not boozicologically. Yes, beer and alcohol have been at the forefront of many things scientific… but you don’t need a few fingers of Yag to learn how to be a social ruhtard. I would rather learn how to make black powder than how to bone a slut on a Friday night.

Life is about learning and the betterment of the world around us. Maybe we should start working toward the future and not toward getting laid and losing braincells just from watching the shore.


Sagging: Homogeneous Homoerotic Homophobia Homogenized

Have you ever found yourself walking the city streets and noticed some dude with his pants hanging halfway off his ass? Do these people realize just how ridiculous they look? Do they realize that, while trying to look like a badass, they end up looking like a complete and total ruhtard should they ever try to ‘make a run for it?’ AND on top of it all, do they realize that their fashion statement stems from a prison system based on showing how ready one is for a quick inmate intimacy initiation?

I can’t speak for you, but I prefer it when my clothes are in proper order and ready should I need to make a quick getaway. Thus, I wear a belt… I know… how old fashioned. I even have a few pair of suspenders… shocker! No, not the three fingered kind, but thank you for the segway you dirty birdie.

Not unlike the shocker, sagging is a very penetrating subject. The trend, if you would call it that and not a pandemic, began in US prisons. Yes, that’s right, America the beautiful has ruined something else. A little known fact about sagging is that, depending on how low the waistband rides tells a different story. Wearing the waistband near the waist (which is logically where it is supposed to be. Its a WAISTBAND not a MID-HIP BAND, MID-ASS BAND, or any such nonsense)… ahem… near the waist dictates just a normal prisoner not interested in any shenanigans. Wearing the band near mid-ass tells the inmates that you are primed and ready to bend somebody over the lunchroom table and ride for old glory. Thirdly, wearing the waistband anywhere below ones ass tells everyone that one is ready for a good old fashioned fudge packing reception.
Talk about a Penal system.

Here is what gets me. Inside the prison system, inmates are swallowed up by a whole different society and culture. While outside they may have looked upon homosexuality as a prime evil, inside it becomes a social norm. What’s up with that? Perhaps the reason they find it evil is due to their being told for years that homosexuality is evil, and now that they experienced it first hand their fear of being persecuted forced them to speak even louder to avert any attention away from themselves… methinks the ex-con doth protest too much.

Politics: Why Jesus REALLY Hates You

Those of us in the US have been bombarded with politically charged TV, radio, and interweb ads. We hear how Mr. Dippyshit is going to change the face of the nation by advocating for radical changes in the grand scheme of things. We listen and hope that the promises made are not just words, but that the candidate actually has the scruples and honor to stick to his or her guns in order to actually make a change and a difference of the good. But when it comes down to the post election euphoria, they just sit on their hands as the world collapses and entropy runs rampant.

They claim to help us by watching our every move. They claim to help us by limiting our civil rights. They claim to help us by playing the shell game with our money and then just make it rain on every damn country but our own. They claim to help us by filling their own pockets. And we let them.

To make matters worse (I’m sure everyone reading this has some idea of who is in the race so I won’t name names) one of our potential leaders decides, in all his wisdom, to say that because he is a Mormon that he is a good person. Wait… does that mean that all people of that particular faith are good people and that ONLY people of that creed are good people? Of course, the opposition, no matter the side, will never question this. If all people of the christian faith are good people, why was Hitler pardoned by the Pope? Nobody wants to talk about the hard pressed issues and instead wants to play a game of sleight of hand. To make matters worse, he uses some old blue hair to talk about just how wonderful he is. Again, who is going to question this? Nobody, because anyone who questions the actions of a sweet old lady is a terrible person.

So in closing, politicians should be ashamed of themselves. Senators, Congress folk, Presidential hopefuls, and every other damned lawyer out there with a chip on their shoulder. I say Shakespeare was right. Maybe after that we can find a new douche to run who might actually live up to their word and not be in it just to fill their pockets.