A personal request to myself: just taking notes
I told myself to document it next time it happened, and it happened again. Woke up in the middle of the night. Perception skewed. Mind focused on a needle both normal and the size of a telephone pole. Porous and solid. Being broken and folded at perfectly inaccurate lengths and forced in to a box the size of an atom. It just happens over and over and over while it remains the same. It crunches while making no noise. It makes no sense, never has… but it’s almost like it means something important and I have no idea how or why. Words still cannot describe its terrible simplicity and all I can do is beg for it to stop so I can sleep… and it does stop after it keeps me from closing my eyes. Perhaps this is madness or terrible, terrible sanity.
It’s happened since I was about 6. Every few years it just… happens. No pain, just frustration. No fear, just exhaustion. It’s like an old friend now that only comes around when they need money… you dread their appearance and right after they leave are afraid they’ll make another appearance sooner than they should. I just wonder whether it is the unhatched twin in my brain or something I shouldn’t have eaten. The perfect storm come to roost for a terrible finite infinity. For that moment everything come to focus while remaining just out of reach. It nearly drops me to my knees as the earth sways around me as my feet find nothing but solid purchase. It will haunt me for the rest of the day, as it always does, but will leave me in peace for just long enough.